Untangling my dreams
I’m a huge Disney princess movie fan—fun female protagonist, great hair, and more recently, strong, beautiful brown girls.
Typically, in whatever corner of the universe they reside, one of the things these girls have in common is the journey to following their heart. Ariel’s trying to get magic surgery to breathe air and walk on land and live with a boy she doesn’t know. Cinderella wants to go to the ball and fall in love, even though she lives with chronic abusers and definitely can’t afford anything at the mall. Tiana wants to fulfill her and her daddy’s dream of starting an amazing restaurant, even through loss, poverty, and institutionalized racism. Moana keeps jumping in the ocean even though her daddy said no and she definitely didn’t finish her chores. And Mulan cuts her hair and poorly hides her boobs to find her self-worth in the army and save her dad’s life. (Lots of daddy issues here, Disney. What you tryna say?)
But all the issues aside, these girls persisted. They pushed to do something they were sure they had to do even though they didn’t know how it would turn out, or that any of it would work at all. No mood boards, no 6-month plans, no bullet journals, no investment funds—nothing. I’ve always wanted that. Not the naïve poor planning or the sometimes-unhealthy obsession with boys, but I want to want something so bad that even though you’re terrified of how it may go you couldn’t possibly live with the thought of never trying; to find the thing that burns you up inside so much that you can’t possibly ignore it.
For me, that has manifested into a couple different dreams. They have been slowly making themselves clearer to me as I’ve worked through life crossing off the things on the list that I’m definitely NOT passionate about (I’m looking at you, heat and mass transfer). One of those dreams is to use my knowledge and platform to be an advocate for science and the health and wellness of women and people of color (and all the intersections in between). The other dream has been to start a crafting blog and really develop as a high quality and respected knit and crochet designer.
Hence, why we’re here. Thanks for coming! The only problem with realizing the latter dream is that I’m what my therapist calls a recovering perfectionist. I need to know what I need to know. And I need to know what I didn’t know I needed to know before I even begin to even THINK about starting something. I’m terrified of what may happen if I put myself out there! And I don’t even have an evil witch, or an evil stepmother, or a lava-spewing Te Kā after me. There’s still quite a bit of institutionalized racism…but we’ll get there in a different post. The point is, my hope and my goal for 2020 and beyond is to step out and go after the things I want, even though it’s scary. It’s literally the reason our everlasting queen, Beyoncé created Sasha Fierce, her on-stage personality. She actually can be very shy and introverted, but she wanted the freedom to express a different, bold, and creative side of herself. So, here I am, creating my own Sasha Fierce. Her name is Dr. Charlie.
As you journey to untangle life with me, I hope you find something here on Dr. Charlie Untangled that inspires you, entertains you, educates you, or helps you create something amazing. And hopefully we all find a little bit more courage to pursue the things we know are the right things to do.
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [wo]man is not [s]he who does not feel afraid, but [s]he who conquers that fear”